Meanwhile...I was helping to plan our school's annual Life Retreat. Being a Christian college the school strives to provide students not only with a good moral base and education but also a religious/spiritual sanctuary, hence Life Retreat.
Life Retreat happens every semester and is a collaboration between Campus Ministry officials and students who have attended Retreat previously. Once you have been on Retreat you can staff and help plan the next Retreat. Having had such an eye opening and liberating experience my first Retreat I decided to find time in my OVER booked schedule and staff.
Good idea right? HAH!
Tennis, rehearsal, school, work, Retreat, boyfriend...did I even sleep???
Retreat took up just as much time as the play, if not more! Because of my hectic schedule the rest of my group had to work around me. Did this cause tension? You bet your booty it did!
Now don't get me wrong. Most of the people (basically everybody except ONE!) were supportive. Understood that I had spread myself a little thin and figured in the spirit of brother and sisterhood (which is something Life Retreat is about!!!) they would help Little Over-ambious Laura.
At first prep periods where worked around me. If I had a 6:30 rehearsal we would work on Retreat stuff at school after school from about 3:00 to 6:15. This way I could fulfill my staffer obligations and still do my other stuff. Well it worked for the first couple of weeks but as the show's opening came closer and rehearsals became more demanding...da shit hit da fan!
The next time our group meet I explained my predicament to them. Retreat is two weeks away and we have a lot of stuff we need to do however, the show opens in ONE week and I have a lot I need to do for that too. Of course you know where my priorities lay, so did the group however, on bitch (who will remain nameless) decided to get all pissy about how it's unfair that everthing is centered around me, why the hell can't I show the same consideration to everyone else, how come I didn't just suck it up and quite retreat so everyone else didn't have to deal with my shit, and how she was going to complain to the Campus Ministry heads about what a self-centered slut (yes...she said slut) I was being.
On and on for about half an hour until Hawaiian (my friend from high school...I still call him that) told her to be quite and pulled her aside.
After that I didn't work with the group much, well, at least not ALL of them. A line was drawn and all I could do was hold my tongue and try my best to keep things civil. The week of show I didn't do any retreat stuff. The BF and I focused on the play and when it was done, breathed a big sigh of relief. The week leading up to Retreat I spent much of my time prepping and since he was to be a first time retreatent he was not allowed to help or be with me when I was working on retreat stuff.
He said it didn't bother him and that he had his own shit to do but in hindsight, I think it might have. This one aspect where he couldn't be included; me being in a group with a few other chicks and two hot looking guys probably didn't help either. Of course he knew I would never cheat but when I went over after prep period (usually close to midnight if not 1am) he'd have a questioning look in his eye. I didn't realize that until now.
So Retreat happened...it was fun...and that's all I'm going to say about that :P
After our closing service it was time to go home. The boy and I walked together...I was happy that finally he was clued in on Retreat and I didn't have to hide anymore. Unfortunately for me he wasn't so happy. When I asked if he had a good time the response was a distant "yeah, by the way we need to talk one of these days."
STOP! That was the same prelude to break up I had heard before. The questions began...
"What do you mean we need to talk?"
"I've just kinda had a lot on my mind but I'm not sure how to tell you about it."
"Why can't we talk about it now?"
"I don't know. Kinda was thinking we could talk tomorrow or something."
"Is this talk going to be like the last one that began with 'we need to talk'?"
"In a way yeah, probably."
"Then start talking."
Okay...so I knew what was coming. Knew that he was going to tell me (again!) that he cared about me didn't want to hurt me, loved me...IN THAT WAY!!! but wasn't ready/couldn't deal/had a hard time with being in a "relationship". Sure...dude can fcuk me, treat me like his girlfriends, acting like I am his girlfriends in front of his family, AND MINE! Yet the mention of the dreaded "girlfriend" word sends him running for the hills with his tail between his legs! WTF!
The explaination goes on. "I want to be single for a while...have friends who are girls not 'girlfriends'...get my shit together...promise I never wanted to hurt you...I know you care about me too...I still want to be there for you...I still really do care for you."
Funny thing too is...during the whole time this break up speech happened he wouldn't let go of my hand. It wasn't until I had to pull my hand away because I was crying that he actually let go. And then he wanted to go to dinner...get something to eat. I figured we could talk more about shit but then Steve-o walks by and next thing you know, he's eating with us. So upset me has to drive the three of us to get food, sit there and eat across from my again-Ex and Steve who is oblivious to what has happened. Talk about FUCKING AWKWARD!!!
So yeah...that's a little bit of a Recap. Sorry to leave you like this but I really can't type anymore. Now you see what I meant about not having time v.s. not being able to. The wound is still fresh even though it's been a few months...I'm still really hurting. You'll know more about why later but for now...I have to sign off.
Love Laura
Friday, July 10, 2009
Recap
Ok guys so I know it's been a really long time. Let's just say...a fcuk ton of stuff happened in the last few months and this is the first time I have a) had the time to write everything down and b) been able to write everything down...you will know the distinction in let's say...oh...one or two paragraphs.
So let's start at the beginning...just after THE WEEK OF HELL!!!
To give a little bit of background. My reason for searching online for "Mr. Right" was because I had recently been dumped. The guy was...my everything. The first person I'd really let in and a sudden breakup with a bogus explaination well...let's just say that Ms. Laura was NOT in a good state.
I decided it was time for a change. I'd change my game plan and instead of dating dudes from my circle (because up until this point I had ONLY dated FRIENDS) I would pull from a new pool. Well...you know how that turned out.
Fast forward a few weeks and I get a phone call from a mutual friend telling me to "come chill." I immediately ask the basic questions..."where?" and "who's gonna be there?" The location happened to be the apartment down the hall from mine and the group of friends...three of my closest male buddies and my ex. Yep...the guy that broke my heart.
Still, in the spirit of friendship, trying to get over him, and not make things weird with everyone i decided to go over. It had been more than a month since we had all hung out and all I really wanted was for things to go back...be how they were before the love shit hit the fan.
So I went over, in my pj's cuz...it was only down the hall and how fcukin cares!?! To explain a little we had all gone camping a few months before and once you've seen me camping well...you've kinda seen it all.
Anyways I'm at the apartment. Grizzly pulls out a few Heine's...we all sit there drinking. Steve-o, Grizzly, The Ex, and me. It's all going great...just a few friends chillin and even though I was sitting next to the Ex I felt like did pretty well. Not ignoring him but not focusing on him too much, sipping my brew and keeping up with the convo. I brushed away the little glances he had been giving me, glances oddly similar to the ones I had received during those "you and me" moments we had had as a couple. Brushed them off, that and the enduring hug he gave me when it was time to go.
After the good-byes were said I walked back down the hall. As my bare feet peddled against the concrete walk way my phone went off...a message from The Ex.
"Are you still mad at me?"
"What?"
"Sure you're not still mad at me?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Idk...i kinda miss you in a way. Think we could talk"
"Sure"
And then he called me. Saying all the things I had wanted him to say before, being the man I always knew he could be, pulling at my heart strings and making it hard for me to keep my head straight. This guys, this man, this boy really had taken my heart, put it in a safe and dropped it from the top of a 100 story building and when i went to rescue the remains, I didn't know the combination...he kept it.
Against my better judgment (cuz the stupid thing beating inside me swore "he'd changed") I meet with him. Just the two of us down on the picnic bench. Him telling me how lost he'd felt, realizing it was because everyone around him had found someone to love and love them back, how much he missed me and realizing it was because he had let the best thing in his life go.
I melted...feel right back into the arms that felt so right. Kissed the lips I had dreamt about. Fell into the embrace I never wanted to leave.
The result was utter bliss. For the next two months we were inseperable. Not only did I semi move in with him but that play I was so fed up about...well he joined the crew. Finally the production that I thought would crash and burn before opening, had a fighting chance. My guy literally built every set, pulled a crew out of his ass, and whipped it all into shape. Even pulling me aside before curtain to make sure "I looked the best."
Of course I should know the fairy tale would end. Of course I should have realized that as soon as things seemed settled and wonderful he'd cut the legs out from under me and I'd fall from that building again...heart locked up with no key to free it.
So let's start at the beginning...just after THE WEEK OF HELL!!!
To give a little bit of background. My reason for searching online for "Mr. Right" was because I had recently been dumped. The guy was...my everything. The first person I'd really let in and a sudden breakup with a bogus explaination well...let's just say that Ms. Laura was NOT in a good state.
I decided it was time for a change. I'd change my game plan and instead of dating dudes from my circle (because up until this point I had ONLY dated FRIENDS) I would pull from a new pool. Well...you know how that turned out.
Fast forward a few weeks and I get a phone call from a mutual friend telling me to "come chill." I immediately ask the basic questions..."where?" and "who's gonna be there?" The location happened to be the apartment down the hall from mine and the group of friends...three of my closest male buddies and my ex. Yep...the guy that broke my heart.
Still, in the spirit of friendship, trying to get over him, and not make things weird with everyone i decided to go over. It had been more than a month since we had all hung out and all I really wanted was for things to go back...be how they were before the love shit hit the fan.
So I went over, in my pj's cuz...it was only down the hall and how fcukin cares!?! To explain a little we had all gone camping a few months before and once you've seen me camping well...you've kinda seen it all.
Anyways I'm at the apartment. Grizzly pulls out a few Heine's...we all sit there drinking. Steve-o, Grizzly, The Ex, and me. It's all going great...just a few friends chillin and even though I was sitting next to the Ex I felt like did pretty well. Not ignoring him but not focusing on him too much, sipping my brew and keeping up with the convo. I brushed away the little glances he had been giving me, glances oddly similar to the ones I had received during those "you and me" moments we had had as a couple. Brushed them off, that and the enduring hug he gave me when it was time to go.
After the good-byes were said I walked back down the hall. As my bare feet peddled against the concrete walk way my phone went off...a message from The Ex.
"Are you still mad at me?"
"What?"
"Sure you're not still mad at me?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Idk...i kinda miss you in a way. Think we could talk"
"Sure"
And then he called me. Saying all the things I had wanted him to say before, being the man I always knew he could be, pulling at my heart strings and making it hard for me to keep my head straight. This guys, this man, this boy really had taken my heart, put it in a safe and dropped it from the top of a 100 story building and when i went to rescue the remains, I didn't know the combination...he kept it.
Against my better judgment (cuz the stupid thing beating inside me swore "he'd changed") I meet with him. Just the two of us down on the picnic bench. Him telling me how lost he'd felt, realizing it was because everyone around him had found someone to love and love them back, how much he missed me and realizing it was because he had let the best thing in his life go.
I melted...feel right back into the arms that felt so right. Kissed the lips I had dreamt about. Fell into the embrace I never wanted to leave.
The result was utter bliss. For the next two months we were inseperable. Not only did I semi move in with him but that play I was so fed up about...well he joined the crew. Finally the production that I thought would crash and burn before opening, had a fighting chance. My guy literally built every set, pulled a crew out of his ass, and whipped it all into shape. Even pulling me aside before curtain to make sure "I looked the best."
Of course I should know the fairy tale would end. Of course I should have realized that as soon as things seemed settled and wonderful he'd cut the legs out from under me and I'd fall from that building again...heart locked up with no key to free it.
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Week From Hell!!!
It all started last Thursday. After a long day of going to classes and practicing for tennis, I came home to take a much needed nap when I realized "Laura has dance rehearsal!" So I drag my happy self from bed and make the trek back to school for the 6 P.M. practice.
We start going through the steps and I get pretty into it. After a few minutes we stop and a friend pulls me over to go over some of the steps she "doesn't quite get." I happily oblige, showing her the pivot when all of a sudden I hear a loud CRACK!
Was it a bird? A plane? No...it was my ankle.
My reward for being nice is a big, fat, swollen, throbbing sprained ankle. Can I just say "thank you!"
So I spend a few days taking care of that and am feeling a little better. Ready to get back in the game, right? Wrong! Not three days after spraining my ankle I get sick!!! So now, I limp, am sick, and practice for anything...yeah right.
Needless to say it was a great start of the week :)
So Monday comes...still sick. Tuesday...sick again, miss two more classes. Wednesday, make it out of bed. Two classes get cancelled because the professor is also ill so I use the extra time to make up my hours I missed at work. Life seems to be getting back on track :)
Hold the phone. Wake up Thursday...CAN'T STOP COUGHING! Miss another day. Friday...get up. Get to work late but it's no biggie. Go to class, have a good time...seems better right? NOT!
Rewind a bit. It's Spring and that means students have to start planning for next Fall. Chief concern for many is housing. Priority housing is a big thing on campus as there are few rooms to go around. Thankfully, I have spent the last two semesters in the dorms and am guarenteed my room next year just as long as I submit my paper work on time. So I go and put it in, thinking I'm all good.
The next day I get a call saying I have an outstanding balance and my housing papers will not go through until it gets taken care of. One call to mom explaining the situation and I assume it's taken care of. GOOD JOB LAURA!!! Just made an ASS out of U and ME!
Situation not taken care of, balance still there, must be taken care of which means little old Laura needs to fork over $4,000 in order to keep her space for next year. Insert a day of going to class, running all over campus (which is on a steep hill) talking to different people from different offices who don't know what the hell the other is doing all to find out that there wasn't even a problem in the first place! Yep, make the student worried for nothing...GOOD JOB!!!
If you think that's bad, try squeezing in studying for an exam and a quiz back to back with practices. Hope I at least lost some lbs!!!
And if that's not bad enough. I met someone online. I know buzz words; scary, pediphile, creeper, etc. But I decided to be careful and adventerous and meet him in person. Nothing to lose, or so I thought.
My date ended up being on that Friday evening. I was already pissed at the world so I figured, go, eat, if something happens whatever. To appease my worried roomies and for my own sanity, I bring a friend. Just so happens the place we're meeting him at is our favorite resturant so we're in relatively good spirits.
First thing...we can't find parking. Second, he's late. Third, him and his buddy show up, immediate creeper vibes (from the friend). Fourth, we find out they brought TWO cars...red flag? Fifth, dinner conversation is us asking questions and them giving disturbing one lined answers. Not to number it all but add in; creepy drunk tattoos (which are stupid and NOT ATTRACTIVE) jargon we don't understand, rude side along conversations, and footing the bill with a smirk that reeks "I'm getting something outta this."
OMFG! WTF! DILLIGAFAU?
Why in the hell do nice, intelligent, females with a lot to offer have such shitty weeks and get stuck with such dumb ass men? Can anyone tell me? Is it some weird, sick joke the cosmos like to play? Was I a bitch in a previous life? Actually, scratch that...I'm a bitch now :)
So yeah...my lovely week from hell. Please, if you have any comments or stories of your own...let me know. I'd be glad to know I'M NOT ALONE!!!
<3 Always,
Laura Roberts
We start going through the steps and I get pretty into it. After a few minutes we stop and a friend pulls me over to go over some of the steps she "doesn't quite get." I happily oblige, showing her the pivot when all of a sudden I hear a loud CRACK!
Was it a bird? A plane? No...it was my ankle.
My reward for being nice is a big, fat, swollen, throbbing sprained ankle. Can I just say "thank you!"
So I spend a few days taking care of that and am feeling a little better. Ready to get back in the game, right? Wrong! Not three days after spraining my ankle I get sick!!! So now, I limp, am sick, and practice for anything...yeah right.
Needless to say it was a great start of the week :)
So Monday comes...still sick. Tuesday...sick again, miss two more classes. Wednesday, make it out of bed. Two classes get cancelled because the professor is also ill so I use the extra time to make up my hours I missed at work. Life seems to be getting back on track :)
Hold the phone. Wake up Thursday...CAN'T STOP COUGHING! Miss another day. Friday...get up. Get to work late but it's no biggie. Go to class, have a good time...seems better right? NOT!
Rewind a bit. It's Spring and that means students have to start planning for next Fall. Chief concern for many is housing. Priority housing is a big thing on campus as there are few rooms to go around. Thankfully, I have spent the last two semesters in the dorms and am guarenteed my room next year just as long as I submit my paper work on time. So I go and put it in, thinking I'm all good.
The next day I get a call saying I have an outstanding balance and my housing papers will not go through until it gets taken care of. One call to mom explaining the situation and I assume it's taken care of. GOOD JOB LAURA!!! Just made an ASS out of U and ME!
Situation not taken care of, balance still there, must be taken care of which means little old Laura needs to fork over $4,000 in order to keep her space for next year. Insert a day of going to class, running all over campus (which is on a steep hill) talking to different people from different offices who don't know what the hell the other is doing all to find out that there wasn't even a problem in the first place! Yep, make the student worried for nothing...GOOD JOB!!!
If you think that's bad, try squeezing in studying for an exam and a quiz back to back with practices. Hope I at least lost some lbs!!!
And if that's not bad enough. I met someone online. I know buzz words; scary, pediphile, creeper, etc. But I decided to be careful and adventerous and meet him in person. Nothing to lose, or so I thought.
My date ended up being on that Friday evening. I was already pissed at the world so I figured, go, eat, if something happens whatever. To appease my worried roomies and for my own sanity, I bring a friend. Just so happens the place we're meeting him at is our favorite resturant so we're in relatively good spirits.
First thing...we can't find parking. Second, he's late. Third, him and his buddy show up, immediate creeper vibes (from the friend). Fourth, we find out they brought TWO cars...red flag? Fifth, dinner conversation is us asking questions and them giving disturbing one lined answers. Not to number it all but add in; creepy drunk tattoos (which are stupid and NOT ATTRACTIVE) jargon we don't understand, rude side along conversations, and footing the bill with a smirk that reeks "I'm getting something outta this."
OMFG! WTF! DILLIGAFAU?
Why in the hell do nice, intelligent, females with a lot to offer have such shitty weeks and get stuck with such dumb ass men? Can anyone tell me? Is it some weird, sick joke the cosmos like to play? Was I a bitch in a previous life? Actually, scratch that...I'm a bitch now :)
So yeah...my lovely week from hell. Please, if you have any comments or stories of your own...let me know. I'd be glad to know I'M NOT ALONE!!!
<3 Always,
Laura Roberts
Introduction
This is a blog by two lovely ladies who are just plain fed up with life. The creation of this blog comes after a week of frustration, humiliation, and down right...no fun. We hope reading our stories will inspire other young women and let all of you know; YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!!
Please enjoy...feel free to comment :)
<3 Love Always,
Laura Roberts
Please enjoy...feel free to comment :)
<3 Love Always,
Laura Roberts
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